


Within Yourself

by orphan_account



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: BDSM, M/M, mental sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-28
Updated: 2011-03-28
Packaged: 2017-10-17 08:23:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/174837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John is only a part of the Doctor's mind but that doesn't he, or the life he's lived, have faded away completely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Within Yourself

**Author's Note:**

> Written for kink_bingo. Thanks to my wonderful beta allaroughdraft who went over this for me

He closes his eyes and he can feel him, feel the man in the back of his mind. He can feel the traces of a life he never lead, a life that was given up so that he might once again exist.

He closes his eyes and he can feel it all, every little detail in the tips of his fingers. It's a tactile sort of remembrance, the kind of memory that sends shivers up your spine. It hums through him, taking him there, taking him back to that man, that life.

He can feel him, feel John Smith as he goes about his ordinary days. The Doctor wants to smile, wants to laugh because what a man, what a simple, ordinary man he makes when put under the right circumstances.

He wonders about the types of men he could have made, all the other untapped qualities that could have been thrown together to create the shambles of a life. He pities John sometimes, when he's not feeling anything else towards him. He wonders what it's like to be a part of something, to constantly feel there should be more to you, that this life and the stories in your head are all you have.

The pity doesn't stay though, because he knows that John could never have more than that, that there was nothing either of them could do.

Because, in the end, there wasn't. The Doctor had to return, there was no getting around that.

And now the other man lives out days quietly within the back of the Doctor's mind, his quiet nature filling him with a sort of comfort that leaves him feeling content and almost lazy.

It's easy, when John is there and very present within his thoughts, to lay back, close his eyes, and let the peace wash over him. Sometimes it's exactly what he needs, sometimes he's left almost craving it.

In times like that the two of them will take a sour of sorts, go back to remembering how things were. John reads the paper and the Doctor watches, silent as a shadow against the wall. They never speak, not even one word but verbal communication is unnecessary and both of them know that the Doctor isn't doing this for the conversation.

John takes his morning tea and the Doctor sinks to the floor, knees weak as he swallows hard.

John catches his eyes and shakes his head in a disapproving manner as the Doctor lets his hand drift over his own bare stomach. He's not wearing anything but it doesn't matter, none of this is real, a fact that hurdles back and forth between fortunate and depressing a thousand times a minute.

John dresses and the Doctors fingers go lower, curling around his cock but not moving, not yet. It's as if he's holding his breath and he just might be.

John looks at himself in the mirror, straightening his robes and he catches sight of the Doctor behind him, studying at him up and down, raising an eyebrow and giving him an expectant look.

The Doctor's hand begins to move in time with his own breathing.

John continues to prepare, gathering his books and going over his lesson plans. Occasionally he glances over, catching sight of the Doctor pleasuring himself and makes a noise, sometimes approving, sometimes not. He's waiting for for all of this to be said and done, for he has classes to attend after all.

Except they both know he doesn't, they know that, once the Doctor has finished his business there, the whole thing stops, the world falls away and John goes back to being a simple presence in the Doctor's mind, nothing more.

The Doctor comes and mumbles out apologies at the same time.

Both of them have their eyes closed when the world cracks. Collapse


End file.
